Toilet training regression

My daughter had supposedly been toilet trained for about 8 weeks. However, we were currently experiencing something known as toilet training regression.

In other words I thought I had survived the nappy stage and was ready to celebrate having more time to myself as my children are finally independent but I was wrong.

We were on our way to a child’s birthday party and had stopped off to return something to the shops first.

I love and hate online shopping in equal measure.

Having returned my unwanted clothes we went to Greggs and had some lunch and all visited the toilet. My daughter assured me that there were ‘no wees or poos today mummy.’ So we went in one final shop as my husband wanted some new jeans.

My daughter still has an afternoon nap and due to the timing of the party she had to skip her nap and therefore was already over tired. Whilst in the shop I tried to keep her entertained by looking in the mirror and tried to prevent her from climbing under all of the clothes rails.

Suddenly my daughter looked up at me and said poo. I found my husband and informed him that we were going to the toilet.

Whilst running to the toilet she started to do her poo face. NOOOOOO!

The toilet with the baby change was in use so we had to use the unisex toilet.

I ran in and checked her but it was now too late. She had poo in her pull ups.

As I was now in a toilet I thought I might as well make the best of it and change her.

This was a unisex toilet and the floor was covered in liquid. For my sanity I tell myself that this is water from the sink and not what my mind automatically thinks it must be!

I pick a patch on the floor as far away from the toilet as possible and start to lay the mat down. As it was cold we had lots of layers on – not a good combination when trying to change a nappy. Helpfully there were hooks on the door so I took off my coat as I didn’t want it trailing in the liquid on the floor. I also removed as many of my daughters layers as possible.

Whilst I was undressing my daughter, hanging up the clothes and finding all of the changing things my daughter was fiddling with the lock. Locking and unlocking it. I told her to lock it and began to change her.

As I opened the pull up I realised that she had also done a wee which made the poo very runny. I got a wipe and was trying to catch the runny poo and prevent it from spreading further. My daughter ‘helpfully’ lifted up her hips so I could get all of the poo and managed to put her foot in the poo.

At which point I mentally lost the plot.

I was kneeling in the liquid.

Who am I kidding?

I was kneeling in wee, strangers wee, on a toilet floor with my supposedly toilet trained daughter who now had poo diluted with wee running down her bum and on her foot. How was this my life? It wasn’t fair. And why once again, was it me in the toilet? Why wasn’t my husband the one suffering?

Whilst I was pondering how my life had come to this I felt the toilet door slam into my shoulder, arm, body, thigh, lower leg and foot.

I lost my balance and fell into the wee on the floor. Fantastic!

Turns out my daughter clearly didn’t lock the door before lying down. Some unsuspecting person seeing the vacant sign on the lock had opened the door, with some considerable force, obviously not expecting me to be crouched on the floor behind it.

After scrambling back onto my feet, I locked the door and continued to change my daughter.

Once finished, I decided that while I was in there I might as well have a wee myself.

Midflow I glanced over to the toilet roll holder and noticed it was empty.

Of course it was.

I had no tissues and realised that I would have to drip dry and inevitably have wee in my pants.

‘Which toilet are you in mummy?’ echoed outside.

Seriously?

“The toilet, toilet.” I reply.

‘Yes we know that you are in the toilet but which one? The nappy change one or the normal one?’ asks my husband.

“The normal one. Why?” I nearly cry.

“I need a poo as well mummy.” Comes a little voice.

“Well you are going to have to wait, I am having a wee.” I snap.

I swear I never get any peace.

I finish my wee. Then, resignedly pull up my pants. Yuck. Snatch up all of the changing bits our clothes etc. and dump them all in the corridor outside.

My husband then says “Are you taking him or shall I?”

“You” I spit. “But there isn’t any toilet roll in there.” I handed him a pack of wipes and a nappy sack.

Whilst in the corridor I packed the bag, glanced at my watch and realised that on top of everything we were now late for the party. Fantastic.

Looking quizzically at me, my daughter asks if I am OK. I am staring with glassy eyes into the distance as I repeat over and over again this isn’t my life. This isn’t my life.

My husband finally emerges and informs me that the sanitary bin is overflowing so he has placed the tied, full nappy sack on top of the sanitary bins. Delightful.

We run back to the car. Wrestle the kids out of their coats and into their seats and set off for the party.

Sat in the passenger seat of the car I started my breathing, trying to think of my happy place so that I stood a chance of slapping on a happy face and pretending that there is nowhere else I wanted to be than at a children’s party at that moment in time.

Thank goodness for hypno breathing. Truly tools for life!

#poo #wee #nappychange #publictoilet #pottytraining #pottytrainingregression