Grandparents letting children get away with murder

First of all I must say that I think my parents did an absolutely amazing job at raising me and my brother. Lots of my parenting views and behaviours are taken from my parents example because even after all of the extensive reading I have carried out over the years I still believe that they got it spot on.

I have such fond memories of my childhood and just recalling them makes me give an involuntary smile and instantly a warm loving feeling spreads throughout my body. Looking back I wouldn’t change a thing. No we didn’t have all of the latest toys etc. but I did have their time and attention and they instilled in me the values that made me the person I am today.

There weren’t many rules but the ones we did have were non-negotiable. I wouldn’t have even bothered trying to push them because they were set in stone.

There was always a nutritious home cooked dinner provided. You didn’t have to eat it but if you didn’t there wasn’t anything else until the next meal.

We could ride our bikes etc in the garden or out on the streets.

We were allowed to play downstairs with our toys but there was a very strict one toy out at a time rule and all evidence of toys always had to cleared away before dinner, going out, bed or someone coming to visit.

At the time of course I didn’t appreciate these rules and on many occasions I exclaimed (teenage stropped/screamed) that I hated living there and they were so unfair and as soon as I could I would leave home etc. Heaven help me if my daughter gives me half of the trouble I gave my parents!

Bearing all of the above in mind I was very surprised the first time that it happened, when I discovered that the way my parents bought me up would bear no similarity whatsoever to the way they treat my children.

I remember once when visiting my parents my son didn’t want to eat any of his food. I wasn’t bothered. I took the view that my parents had had with me. My son wouldn’t let himself starve and when he was hungry he would eat.

However, unlike when I was a child my parents started to ask my son what he would prefer and made him a sandwich instead. Of which he had about two mouthfuls before he announced that he wanted a gingerbread man which he was instantly presented with. It was an Organix baby food gingerbread man but still! I was so surprised that I couldn’t speak. I never would have been provided with an alternative to the dinner that everyone else was eating and I certainly wouldn’t have got any treats after if I hadn’t eaten my dinner first.

Once when I arrived to pick up my son I was surprised to see him riding his bike INSIDE the house, up and down the length of the hall and dining room. When going in and out of the room he kept smashing into the door frame. Obviously not on purpose but still. When I suggested he should stop due to the damage my parents said it wasn’t on purpose and that he wanted to ride his bike and it was raining out. I would never have been allowed to ride my bike inside and at the first accidental knock into the paintwork I would have instantly been stopped.

Whenever my parents play with my children they always have a sea of toys out. There is definitely no enforcing that he puts the current toy away before getting out the next one.

I’ve occasionally bought this up with my parents and commented that I would never have been allowed to get away with the things my own children do with them. The reply is normally something along the lines of they love them so much and want them to be happy and they aren’t causing any harm (doorframe? Hello? No?) and it doesn’t matter and that they just want to have fun with them because they can and that it’s my job to be the bad guy not them.

So there we have it. However hard your own upbringing was there is a very good chance that when your parents are with their grandchildren it will be a whole different kettle of fish. Expect your parents to let them run riot and get away with murder.

And to be honest, why not? Ok so you look like the bad cop next to your good cop parents but it’s nice that they have reached the stage in their life where they have got their priorities in order. They know that a door frame can be filled and sanded but the chance to see their grandchild’s little face light up with delight is irreplaceable.

I know that when I am a grandparent I will do exactly the same and spoil my grandchildren rotten.

#grandparents #mess #children #rules