Why do women put down other women?

I have been taking part in #thedailychallenge organised by @whatkatysaid and @mummy.style. The premise behind it is that we don’t wear nice clothes for others. We wear nice clothes for ourselves. When you are wearing a piece that you love it makes you feel good.

I’ve always known that clothes and my mood are linked. I wrote a blog about this previously. Last weekend sat in my decorating clothes (even though I wasn’t decorating) in sloth mode I was scrolling Instagram when the challenge popped up on my phone. I thought this is exactly what I need to do. Each day, for seven days, you wear something nice even if you aren’t leaving the house. It has completely lifted my mood and made me so much more productive.

One of the other positives has been seeing all of the other participant’s outfits and feeling equally uplifted by their choices. They all look amazing and there is genuinely something in everyone’s choices that I love. Their faces are glowing and you know they are feeling good. I’ve really enjoyed complementing these other women.

Ironically, it was whilst taking part in this challenge that someone decided to troll me. To put me down for not meeting their beauty standards, for not taking an ‘Insta worthy’ shot.

They don’t like my outfit choices or the way in which I look in them. The whole point of the challenge, which was clearly lost on this person, is that it isn’t about them. It is about me. I couldn’t give a flying monkey what they think of my outfit or me.

When I was younger my mum taught me an invaluable lesson.

It is this - people can only make you feel bad if you let them. In order for me to take your opinion on board I have to value it. I have to value you as a human being. You have shown me, by your actions, that you are not worth me wasting my time on. I know who I am. My sense of happiness and sense of self-worth come from within. They do not come from others and therefore you can’t have any influence over me unless I let you.

I believe that every situation has a silver lining. Any situation can be good or bad it’s all about how you choose to see it. Rather than feeling bad about myself, my brain instantly jumped to feeling pity for the poor person. How sad and empty must they feel? People only attack others when they are insecure and lacking in themselves. It is a cry for help and their way of trying to feel better about themselves by putting others down.

Having all of that poison running through their veins is only causing them harm, not me. I’m fine. The world must seem like a pretty miserable place with doom and gloom all around them. The world reflects back to you what you put out.

Then my brain jumped to how can I help and support others, even my troll? What about this situation can I use to serve others? I am so passionate about supporting other women through my Hypnobirthing business and beyond.

Women are so incredibly strong. Having children really sharpened and bought to the forefront all of my awesome skills that I didn’t realise that I had. The amount of things a mum can get through in one day is super human. It has to be. The human race wouldn’t have survived without. The current pandemic has highlighted this where mothers have juggled working from home, home schooling, cleaning, cooking, looking after the emotional wellbeing of others to name but a few.

How awesome would we be if we used our powers to support each other rather than tearing each other down?

This got me thinking of a challenge that I'd like to set.

Ugly thoughts are a habit. Habits can be broken.

As Roald Dahl said “If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until it gets so ugly you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

The quality of your life is only as good as the quality of your thoughts.

If you want to have a better life then the place to start is with your thoughts. Every time an ugly thought pops into your mind think a beautiful thought instead. Next time you see a woman and think eurgh I don’t like her shoes etc. stop yourself. What do you like about her outfit?

By training your brain to think positively about others this will soon become second nature. All of those ugly thoughts will disappear and I promise you the quality of your life will improve. Even better, don’t keep these beautiful thoughts to yourself. Share them. Tell that woman in the queue in front of you that her dress looks nice, that her skin is glowing.

My challenge for you is this, each day say one complement to another woman. It can be in person or online. Let’s fill the world with beautiful words not ugly words that ultimately only damage yourself.